Early morning of March 7, my grandmother passed away, to be free from all sufferings of life, for ever... I lost her for ever!
Because my parents were busy working, I lived with grandfather and grandmother before I went to elemental school. Sometime my parents picked me back, but I often threw a tantrum at mid night and my father had to send me back to my grandparents. After I went to elemental school, I often went to my grandparents' house after school without informing my parents - at that time there was no telephone in common families - so that my parents feared that I was lost. My memories about my boyhood is vague, but two scenes are still very clear: one is that Grandma was teaching me to tell time with a big clock with roman letters; the other one is that Grandma ran after me in the
Siheyuan yard with a rolling pole because I did wrong.
After I went to high school at another city, I saw Grandma less frequently. After I went to university in Beijing, I could feel that she was getting older and stooped obviously each time I saw her. And she insisted on making foods for me each time. From last winter, she has started to be painful all over and has been unable to do housework, so weak that she did not want even to speak. Last September, when I saw her, she told me that perhaps she would not speak to me when I called her, asked me not to worry about her since everyone has to die.
Grandma's life was common, similar to those of most women of that time.
As a girl and being in a poor family, Grandma had no chance to go to school in girlhood. After New China was founded in 1949, she started to learning reading and writing in literacy class provided by the government. However, a short time later other students gave up so the literacy class was dismissed. Grandma continued to study by herself based on the knowledge learned from the literacy class. After I went to elemental school, Grandma often asked me to teach her Chinese character. She has several tools to study: a slate, slate pencils, and two dictionaries. Finally she became to be able to read newspaper, which is not easy since she had to take care of her parents, raise children including me, do a lot of housework and had to study only by herself.
Grandma got married at 18 years old, and gave birth to 7 children, one aborted, one died of disease at very young age for no money to see a doctor, one given to other family for no money to buy milk. When Grandma told me the miserable story, I was too young to understand what pain it meant.
Grandma is kind-hearted, and often helped neighbors. When my wife became a government official, Grandma told her to keep a bowl of water in balance, which is a Chinese proverb meaning behaving fairly and justly.
Grandma loved to play
Hua Rong Dao and
Chinese Ring, and to watch such TV programs as
All Over the World (祖国各地),
All Over the World (世界各地), and
Animal World (动物世界), but she had never gone to travel. Once I wanted to take Grandma to go sightseeing in Beijing when I was a university student in Beijing. However for some reasons it was not realized, and became my pity for ever.
Grandma did housework all life long. She ever told me that she had gone nowhere, done nothing, and wasted entire life. Grandma, even though you lived a common life, I can not forget you, can not forget your delicious foods, can not forget your story about the old photos, can not forget how you insisted in studying reading and writing, can not forget your sufferings and wishes, can not forget your stooped figure... Grandma, I miss you!
Grandma believed in Buddhism. I made a sketch of lotus and my wife wrote a poem for Grandma. Sorry, I did not translate it since it is still too difficult for me now.
听说，您去得安详
此刻，必在佛乐悠扬中
紧随飞天的舞带 开眼于佛国的完美
想来——那里可以解脱绵延的病苦，
没有众多人力不及的无奈。
愿您在笑得超凡脱俗之后
从田田的莲叶中拈得最幽香的花
花瓣上镌刻着最喜欢的经文
永是被光明的点拨 不间断地彻悟
眼口心耳都是隽永馨柔
我们想起您的时候，
定是温善恭俭的美好句语
都是顽强不息的坚韧意志
愿这样的每一回
您都正微笑着俯视我们
无忧无虑地 散花香世来
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